Casualty meets Jeremy Kyle
by covblazebabe
Summary: Hey people, here's something new, a random idea! Tess and Fletch go on the Jeremy Kyle show for lie detector results! Please let me know what you think by review or comment or contact me on Twitter! I always reply! @covblazebabe PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THIS IS A ONE-OFF!


_**Hey people, here's something new, a random idea! Tess and Fletch go on the Jeremy Kyle show for lie detector results!**_  
_**Please let me know what you think by review or comment or contact me on Twitter! I always reply! covblazebabe**_

_**One off chapter;**_

Jeremy - Good morning and welcome to the show, this morning we'll be talking to Tess, a nurse who has been seeing her married lover Fletch, Tess wants to come on the show today and have the man of her dreams leave his wife, leave his family and go home with her so they can build a life together, its a big day for this lady, lots to this story, let's give her a warm welcome to the show my friends, Tess is on the Jeremy show.

(Audience clap as Tess enters the stage and sits down)

Jeremy- Good morning Tess and a big, big welcome to the show. So you and Fletch what's happening sweet?

Tess - Well it all started a few months ago, we just got close, went out for a drink after work one night and ended up kissing.

Jeremy - So what's the state of play? Do you love this guy?

Tess - I do love him, more than his wife ever could.

(Tess begins to cry)

Jeremy - Oh sweet (Jeremy touches her hand and calls to his camera crew) can I get some tissues over here please.

(Tess wipes her eyes and continues her tail of woe)

Tess - I find it hard to work with him when I know he's going home to her.

Jeremy - So you go for a drink, things develop and you end up sharing a kiss, and now you've fallen for him hook line and sinker. How does he feel about you?

Tess - I think he loves me, but he won't leave his wife, I don't want to carry on being the other woman, its wrong and its not fair.

Jeremy - But he's married don't you think that perhaps you should have stayed away?

Tess - It was him that did all the running, I tried to keep my distance, I made sure we were on opposite shifts but (Tess begins to cry hysterically)

Jeremy - (feeling sorry for her) ok sweet we're going to go to the break now, you calm down and we can hopefully sort this out.

(Jeremy looks at the audience)

Jeremy - After the break people we will meet prince charming AKA Fletch, plus his wife Natalie will have her say, we've also got all important lie detector results, don't go away my friends all that after the break, we'll be right back.

(Tess has now calmed down)

Jeremy - You have requested that Fletch does a lie detector test? Why's that?

Tess - He promised me that since we've been together he hasn't slept with his wife.

Jeremy - Fletch has done the lie detector and he claims he's going pass, what happens if he doesn't?

Tess - Its over.

Jeremy - And what if he does pass?

Tess - I want to be with him properly, I want him and only him, he makes me feel alive again.

Jeremy - Shall we get him out?

Tess - (smiles and nods)

(Jeremy stand up and walks to the front of the stage)

Jeremy - Fletch is on the show guys.

(Fletch walks on confidently and kisses Tess on the cheek before sitting down and taking her hand)

Jeremy - Fletch welcome to the show, you've been seeing Tess behind your wife's back, what's going on my friend? Your married.

Fletch - Well you can't help who you fall in love with can you?

Jeremy - No that's true, but what about your wife?

(Fletch shrugs his shoulders but doesn't answer)

Jeremy - Come on big man its not the way to do things is it?

Fletch - Like I said you can't help who you fall in love with.

Jeremy - You've got kids my friend, how many?

Fletch - Three, Ella, Mikey and Evie.

(Fletch manages a smile)

Jeremy - What's it like a home at the moment?

Fletch - Terrible, always arguing.

Jeremy - You say that as if your surprised!

Fletch - Drop the attitude mate haven't you ever been tempted to go off with someone else? When the wife's giving it all that in the ear? When your not getting the services your wife should provide!

Jeremy - Sounds like you want a slave not a wife.

Fletch - I want Tess.

Jeremy - Why haven't you left your wife then?

Fletch - Its complicated.

Jeremy - Complicated? You either want your wife or your lover which is it?

Fletch - Are you deaf? Have just told you!

Jeremy - Don't give me attitude my friend before you take me on make sure you have the mental ability to so.

(Audience laugh and clap)

Fletch - And what do you know! Your not perfect nobody is! Least iv come on the show!

Jeremy - Oi this is the Jeremy Kyle show not the Fletch experience!

(A few people laugh)

Jeremy - (feeling proud of himself) so shall we get your wife on?

Fletch - Bring it on.

Jeremy - Natalie is on the show guys!

(Natalie rushes out and attacks Tess, Fletch gets out the way just before receiving a slap from his wife, security intervene and take Natalie back stage)

Jeremy - (walks up to Tess) are you ok sweet?

Tess - She's a maniac!

(Fletch cuddles Tess and Jeremy goes backstage to confront Natalie)

Jeremy - That is diabolical behaviour, I will not have that on my show you vile woman! Go out and apologise! That is not lady like!

Natalie - I'm not apologising to that old bitch!

Jeremy - You either apologise or I'll throw you out of my studio myself!

(Natalie folds arms and gives Jeremy a death stare)

Jeremy - I know your upset but there's no need for physical violence. Now let's do this.

(Jeremy ushers Natalie out onto the stage where she promptly moves the chair as far away from Fletch and Tess as possible)

Jeremy - Oh we're playing musical chairs again. Welcome to the show Natalie, what's going on for you?

Natalie - That bitch has taken my husband away!

Tess - Least I can do positions! Least I don't just lie there like a corps!

Natalie - Obviously you like small cocks!

(Jeremy raises his eyes to ceiling, folds his arms and watches)

Fletch - Nat how could you attack her like that, she's an old woman.

Natalie - Got it in one! Granny shagger! (Tess looks hurt)

Tess - (looking at Fletch) what did you just call me?

Fletch - Um I didn't mean...

Tess - What did you mean! How dare you! You bastard!

(Tess slaps Fletch and leaves the stage)

Natalie - (looking smug) trouble in paradise?

Fletch - Shut the fuck up!

Jeremy - Can we stop using these vile words please guys.

(Fletch and Natalie go silent)

Jeremy - Fletch you've done a lie detector to prove that since you and Tess have been together you've not done anything with your wife.

(Fletch nods, Natalie laughs)

Jeremy - What's funny Natalie?

Natalie - We had sex last night!

Fletch - No we didn't! Why are you saying these things! I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot barge pole!

Jeremy - Who's got a barge pole!

(A few people laugh as Jeremy goes backstage to get Tess, she is found in tears with the genius that is Graham)

Jeremy - You ok sweet?

Tess - He called me old! Did you hear that! He called me old!

Jeremy - Come back on stage we need to do these results.

(Reluctantly Tess gets up and comes back on stage, she moves the chair away from Fletch, Fletch is now sat in the middle of the stage feeling very alone)

Fletch - This is stupid, women! Can't live with them can't live without them!

Jeremy - (fiddles with the results envelope) how's it feel having two women fighting over you?

Fletch - Leave it out Jay.

Jeremy - Its Jeremy you ridiculous man! My names Jeremy!

(Jeremy throws away the envelope and holds the results in his hand)

Jeremy - Natalie do you think there's any way forward for you and Fletch?

Natalie - Is there fuck! He can have the old hag! But he won't ever be seeing his kids again!

Jeremy - You can't use the kids as a weapon.

Natalie - And who are you saint Jeremy! I can do what I want!

Jeremy - Tess how are you feeling now?

Tess - (talks through tears) I love him.

Jeremy - We asked Fletch since the start of your relationship with Tess have you had sexual intercourse with your wife?

(Jeremy shifts weight from one foot to the other)

Jeremy - Fletch you answered no, well, well, well (Jeremy walks forwards) this lie detector says your were telling the truth.

(The audience clap, Tess moves her chair back to him and they hold hands)

Jeremy - We also asked Fletch since the start of your relationship with Tess have you had sexual contact with your wife? Fletch you answered no.

(Jeremy looks at Tess)

Jeremy - You better open your ears my sweet because this test says he was lying!

(Natalie claps and howls, Tess gets up and yanks her hand away from Fletch, slapping him and leaving the stage)

Fletch - (shaking head) that's not right!

Jeremy - Hey don't have a pop at me! I'm just paid to read the results! We also asked Fletch since the start of your relationship with Tess have you passionately kissed your wife, Fletch answered no, he was lying!

Fletch - Your tests rubbish mate!

Jeremy - I'm not your mate, your a liar aren't you?

Fletch - No your tests is wrong.

Jeremy - You passed the sexual intercourse question.

Natalie - Your on your own, stay away from me and the kids (Natalie leaves the stage)

Jeremy - So Fletch my boy you going to go after your wife or your lover which is it?

(Fletch shakes his head and walks off stage, Jeremy follows)

Jeremy - God I'm getting a work out today! OI Fletch where you going?

Fletch (turns abruptly) I'm going to find Tess!

Jeremy - You need to tell her the truth mate, if your honest you might have a chance.

(Fletch sits down next to Tess and tries to comfort her but gets pushed away)

Jeremy - (kneels down in front of them both) you did do something didn't you mate?

Fletch - No I promise you on my kids life I didn't, the test is wrong!

Jeremy - But you passed the sexual intercourse question are you saying that's wrong?

Fletch - I haven't done anything!

Jeremy - Tess where do we go from here?

Tess - (through tears) we have to talk but I want the truth!

Jeremy - I'll leave you with Graham sweet, I hope our great aftercare team can sort this out for you both.

(Fletch tries to cuddle Tess but she pushes him away, Jeremy leaves them to it and goes to centre stage)

Jeremy - Well that was a story and a half, I guess sometimes people get themselves into situations they can't get out of, good luck to them and thank you all for watching, our aftercare team will stick with them and do their very best to help them, if you need my help and want to be on the show please go to our website, check us out on twitter and like us on my favourite social networking site facebook!...

_**Hope you enjoyed the story people! Please let me know what you think! And keep in mind this was a one off! Thanks for reading!**_  
_**Goodbye for now!**_

_**Twitter;**_  
_**Covblazebabe**_


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